obsession and telus tuesday at the movies!

I am Obsessed!

All i think about all day is my weight. Not others weight, just mine. Not always negative, and not always positive.

I have always had a self esteem, self image issue. To this day i picture myself at about 400lbs. I know that is crazy, but for some reason, some one has scared me somewhere along the way. Maybe more then one person. I wonder if making a list of every time i can remember someone saying something, or doing something will help me work through it. (i will have to build up to this)

In my adult life, i have come to an understanding that eating not enough is just as big of a problem as not eating enough, I truely had the problem of not eating enough. Thank god for weight watchers and teaching me the ways of healthy eating.

About 6 months ago I got a second job at a plus size clothing store. It was a real eye opener!
Beautiful woman after beautiful woman came into the store with all the same hang ups as me, and i didn't see them on these people. The more i have been helping these woman the more I am like hmmmm, maybe i am over reacting. (which i know deep down i am) In six months i have gone from wearing super baggy clothes to form fitting clothes. I have gone out three times wearing sleeveless shirts. ( big step for me)

I am always obsessing about exercising, and then not doing any... which annoys me to no end. I really want to go to aqua fit, but i am too embarrassed to go on my own. It's my next challenge for myself.

I am always talking about weight loss with people, I think everyone is getting tired of me talking about it. None of my friends in town are trying to get healthy with eating the right foods and excercise, so i feel pretty much on my own with this one. I would love to have type of buddy system here. Dont get me wrong everyone supports me completely which i am grateful for.

Okay last obsession for today... blogs, reading everyone's blogs and comparing myself to those people. I understand that people loose weight at different paces, and its healthier to do it over a longer peroid of time, but man oh man, i get jelous of people who can loose over 2lbs+ a week... i want to do this too, but i just cant seem to do it. Any ideas?

okay i could keep going... but ill stop.... lol have a great tuesday....

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Food Today-

I forgot my breakfast this morning! what a pain! So i ate a yogurt and some rice cakes. I ate a late lunch/early dinner so that when i go to the movies tonight i can eat some popcorn. It's that treat once a week, I dont eat the whole bag, and i know it is really bad points wise... so i hope 15 points is enough of a budget...

So tonight for dinner, tomorrow night, and thursday night I am having Kat's Special Rice... LOL my friend kat makes this rice, tomato, ground beef thingie... I can never make it just like hers but i try... lol.

yogurt 1
rice cakes 1
brown rice 4
choc 3
toppings 5
popcorn 15

Total: 29 points

i forgot to post dinner from the other night... yummy, wraps....