Tuesday, November 10, 2009

obsession and telus tuesday at the movies!

I am Obsessed!
All i think about all day is my weight. Not others weight, just mine. Not always negative, and not always positive.
I have always had a self esteem, self image issue. To this day i picture myself at about 400lbs. I know that is crazy, but for some reason, some one has scared me somewhere along the way. Maybe more then one person. I wonder if making a list of every time i can remember someone saying something, or doing something will help me work through it. (i will have to build up to this)
In my adult life, i have come to an understanding that eating not enough is just as big of a problem as not eating enough, I truely had the problem of not eating enough. Thank god for weight watchers and teaching me the ways of healthy eating.
About 6 months ago I got a second job at a plus size clothing store. It was a real eye opener!
Beautiful woman after beautiful woman came into the store with all the same hang ups as me, and i didn't see them on these people. The more i have been helping these woman the more I am like hmmmm, maybe i am over reacting. (which i know deep down i am) In six months i have gone from wearing super baggy clothes to form fitting clothes. I have gone out three times wearing sleeveless shirts. ( big step for me)
I am always obsessing about exercising, and then not doing any... which annoys me to no end. I really want to go to aqua fit, but i am too embarrassed to go on my own. It's my next challenge for myself.
I am always talking about weight loss with people, I think everyone is getting tired of me talking about it. None of my friends in town are trying to get healthy with eating the right foods and excercise, so i feel pretty much on my own with this one. I would love to have type of buddy system here. Dont get me wrong everyone supports me completely which i am grateful for.
Okay last obsession for today... blogs, reading everyone's blogs and comparing myself to those people. I understand that people loose weight at different paces, and its healthier to do it over a longer peroid of time, but man oh man, i get jelous of people who can loose over 2lbs+ a week... i want to do this too, but i just cant seem to do it. Any ideas?
okay i could keep going... but ill stop.... lol have a great tuesday....
Food Today-
I forgot my breakfast this morning! what a pain! So i ate a yogurt and some rice cakes. I ate a late lunch/early dinner so that when i go to the movies tonight i can eat some popcorn. It's that treat once a week, I dont eat the whole bag, and i know it is really bad points wise... so i hope 15 points is enough of a budget...
So tonight for dinner, tomorrow night, and thursday night I am having Kat's Special Rice... LOL my friend kat makes this rice, tomato, ground beef thingie... I can never make it just like hers but i try... lol.

yogurt 1
rice cakes 1
brown rice 4
choc 3
toppings 5
popcorn 15

Total: 29 points

i forgot to post dinner from the other night... yummy, wraps....


  1. Hi Jen, I'm Andrea. I discovered your blog and think it's great! I'm also blogging about my weight loss. I couldn't find a way of contacting you on your blog but if you need help with motivation, exercise or food I'd love to share my knowledge with you. You can email me through my blog ;)

  2. For whatever reason, I can't post my name or website on this blog. I blame Blogger, so I'm sorry if you think this is Anonymous. It's not!

    Welcome to the Healthy You Challenge!

    I think you should just go to Aquafit! You'll enjoy it and get over the embarassment really quick once you're there.